Defending dishonor

If my death was brought forth by your hand
I'd still defend your name as I drew my last
breath
I'd give you my last drop of blood, just so you would live on
Treat me badly baby, it's OK
I'll die defending your honor, no matter the shit you do
no matter the amount of times you abuse my values
and kind soul
You can't do wrong by me
I'm so deluded by the belief in loyalty...
even though time and time again
It's been proven by the war wounds I bare
that I'm the only one dumb enough to believe
in such a stupid concept these days
and yet as the slap across my face still stings
I'm here defending your dishonor
Tears roll down my face cause I
never expected it to be you
to be the one
who
stuck the knife firmly in my back
then lay the boots in
as I lay dying in the lies you spun

freeflowpoet

Out of the shadows

Voices raging in my head, screaming evil demands

tormenting this mere man

twisting my words, trying to bend my promises, throwing my morals and ethics back in my face

24/7

Everywhere I look, everything I see and hear seems to be vices

the monkey on my back has started up again, fuck he's been quiet for 12 years...

I feel like no one understands that I'm standing on the base plate

(this feels dark and haunting like it was back at day one)

I try to remind myself of all the misery and destruction

the shadow that tears you apart from the inside, the truth that is addiction

- there's no such thing as "only once or just one"

"Go on have a 'free' taste, see how good I make you feel, see how I melt all your troubles away"

"watch how self confident I make you feel, watch how popular I make you with the 'in' crowd"

'I' will give you all you've ever dreamed of, 'I' will make you soar above everything human

'I' will make you feel invincible, 'I' will make you God and feel untouchable...

LIES, ALL LIES, the truth is more like -

'I' will surge through you and turn on senses you never felt, but only once - just to get you hooked on me, you will crave and desire 'my' chemical kiss...but never achieve it again like the first time

'I' will draw you into a world of association, as long as you have 'me' those around you will worship the ground you crawl on (but it's 'me' they want...which you won't see)

'I' will supply you all the warmth you need...you'll sell your soul to have 'me' inside you

time and time again

'I' will make you feel like God or whatever your fantasy is

'I' will have you believe everyone hates our new 'friendship'

'I' will have you push everyone away from you who cares...'I'm' all you NEED

THEN ONLY THEN

will 'I' reveal 'my' true desire

no longer is your soul just enough, no longer is tearing apart your self esteem and loved ones,

no longer is controlling your every thought, want and whim

no longer is your life enough...

'I' want you dead

that is 'my' payment for everything 'I've' destroyed about you and your troubles

that is 'my' reward for making your life (Oh what did you say in our first dance?) care free!

freeflowpoet

Made Man Or Mad Man

My struggles shouldn't be a vehicle for more sin
take a look in the mirror Mr Mainstream
screaming in the mic how the streets made you
how you done it tough, ran with the rough
sold drugs just to survive, ripped off your fellow man just to make some cash
I tell of my past indiscretions and the craziness inside my head
I speak with the intensity of the emotions raging through me, then and now
I don't need to talk up my crimes, or feed you lies
Take what you will from my words
either you'll judge and condemn me or listen to my wisdom
in between the conflict and insanity of the place I grew from (not in)
Don't bother trying to tell me how I'm just jealous of your money and fame
just ask yourself once
how many of your friends and fellow men from your area code
still live and die the same way you did?
Just what has your words changed man, besides making your lifestyle seem cool and right?
You say you're down with the Lord, you wear and bare a cross
for what?
Redemption comes not from mere words, empty 'forgive me Fathers'
but the lessons we learn from the mistakes we've made
the wrongs we try to right...
I'd rather sleep with my conscience at night, then the money you've made
yeah it'd buy me more comfort and luxury in this life
but at what price?

freeflowpoet

Sweatin'

I'm burning up from the inside out

I feel sick and there's a layer of sweat forming from head to toe

there's nothing that I can hear and see around me...

but bottles and syringes,

alcohol and heroin, pills and blow

I'm shaking in my own skin, scared because everything I know

doesn't matter right now

I have a hunger no food can touch

A thirst no liquid can quench

but...

I need to remember

RECOVERY...

feeling alone,

feeling scared of myself,

feeling trapped

I reach out for a helping hand...silence

I know I'm not alone,

but this monkey won't quit it...

I have to remember how I got here...

RECOVERY

Clean n Sober...I Choose This

Walk down the haunted, empty streets of my former life
see all the burnt out shells of bridges and litter lined urine smelling alley ways
my head rested, as I'd passed out again
So much destruction I masked and called fun
while inside my organs, heart and soul were dying and decaying...
8 years or so sober, 12 years (nearly 13 now) clean
- This I choose
every waking moment,
every new day I open my eyes to see.

freeflowpoet

A Bully's End (Sweet Revenge)

*WARNING GRAPHIC CONTENT, STRONG LANGUAGE*

Pale against the knife's blade, little trembles push goosebumps against it
I swim in the power your fear gives me
go on bitch tell me again all those names and things you called me
Oh what only now you're sorry!...
I know you're just spitting out words to try and sooth the beast unleashed within me
here, feel the pain you caused me, over and over
I give it all back to you bully
and teach you not to underestimate those you think are weaker then yourself
You've pushed me once too often
now I'll make you sorry

Oh stop crying little bitch, you're the one who's pathetic now,
I hate you, I hate you, I fucken hate you!
Rivers run red down pale white skin
blood on my hands
and in the end you lie limp in the darkness of an empty street
discarded trash, taking your true place...
face down in the dirty gutter
and to finish off your nightmare, I seal the coffin lid shut
with a sickening stomp...
crushing down upon your head.
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight

freeflowpoet

See it, Hear it - Live it

Do you really believe I'm a renegade?
I've filled many shoes in my short life, guess I'll fill many more
I've been innocence
I've been purity
I've been a sinner
I've been a criminal - in the blindfolded eyes of Ms Justice
I've been a victim...she really doesn't care to hear of my struggles
but I care to tell em
and yes I care that you, choose to listen
May my lessons be a road map for another lost soul
may I find redemption and forgiveness in my 'Father's' eyes
may my voice be heard by those also trapped by circumstance or vice
may I leave this life, when it is time,
known as a guide (not a leader and not a sheep)
for I keep it real and only hope my experiences, pain and victories
show that there is light in dark times
and beauty in this world

freeflowpoet