Monday, April 8, 2013

I Still See The Blood Stains

You look at my hands
and see clean hands
that look as if they have worked a little,
while I see the past flash by
a splattering of red blood, violent
blurred images of insanity,
Is that dark shadow
with hate exploding out
it's twisted mouth
and wearing an assortment of pewter rings layered on each hand and spiked studs
covering the surface of the belt snaked around it's waist like a snake ready to strike
and reinforcing the top and toes of the head kicking boots
really me? Even that shatters my idea of earning redemption...
each step I watch that figure take
I hear those boots grind broken glass on the asphalt, probably from another fight
loudly echo overpowering the fear of my prey's prayers,
Only for fists, feet, rings, studs to cut the screams down...
until a flash of cold bone china streaks across the darkness between us,
I run and take off as the knives have finished my wrath


Monday, April 1, 2013

Taboo Side of Love

Would you know what to do with a heart whose history had left it tattered, battered, bruised
held together with strands and stitches of tears never shed, but collected and spun into thread?
Would you take it if I had watched yours break and in that fragile state, I had chosen to cut mine out of my still warm chest
so I could save you with my last breath of life
just to, save you from that pain and loneliness?
I know in the real world such an act is not possible, but if I could I would save you from the side of love no one likes to talk about...the falling out and despair of not being able to pin point where things started to fall apart or how or when one can't pull each other back together for that, ever after
If I could stop anyone else's heart from self imploding and exploding from emotion pounding and flooding the head with thoughts that aren't of a sane man's, I would...
but life throws all kinds of curve balls and this is one no one else can prepare another for
(but I'm able to listen)


Friday, March 29, 2013

Invisible Bullies

Taunted every time I opened my mouth
childhood is meant to be a place of innocence and magic
my only wish was that I was as invisible as I feel inside
but the verbal punches hurt more than the real threats of them touching me
No one asked where my bruises came from, then when they did
my answers where lies, the only thing that then got to hear my truth
was the paper that stayed inside journals or that I screwed up after I had spewed my insides out with ink
cause the paper didn't feel the sting of knife blades over it, like I did
nor did it cry when I held it tight, scrunched up in my fists
just like I felt like, both inside and out
My voice failed when I tried to stand up, cause everyone just tore me down
Yeah I was the fat kid, the easy target
and when I armed myself with weapons and started picking fights
I was just crazy
but I'd left the battlefield of the school grounds
and everyone went their separate ways
People brought up their own children and the very bullies who taunted me
started posting anti bully post on this thing called Facebook
I understand you wanna protect your own flesh and blood
but you're a hypocrite (so am I cause I too became what I despised)
Now we're out of the wonderland of childhood
was everything just a lie, did we not mean anything or any harm?
Cause it sure did hurt and so did my own beatings upon myself
followed by others...just as you taught me to do
Now that we post such messages, does that redeem our past behaviors?
Do you really mean what you post or is it just another bandaid for the self hate we harbor inside ourselves?
I'm sorry for the pain I caused and for the pain I inflicted upon myself
the devil couldn't handle my wrath and GOD didn't have space for lease in heaven then
so I wondered lost on Earth and yeah I've grown and learnt the value of life now
but the faded scars on my heart from childhood still burn somedays
and the memories of who I turned into haunt me
Are any of us beyond redemption?
Will you forgive me, if I forgive you...and neither of us will settle the score
within our own selves, but continue to pretend
everything was alright growing up
everything is alright today.


Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Flirting with danger...

You drive me crazy the way you just do everything that gets under my skin
I should hate you cause you're poison to my system
but that's what I love about you
You're so damn attractive while oozing danger, every time we're together alarm bells ring inside my head
and I can't help but run straight into your web...I am powerless over your beauty, I'm just a moth to your flame
I want you to give me all the promised dreams, while knowing all those things will bring me undone
I keep you at a distance, aching to embrace you, just have a taste
I keep you close, dancing and flirting with your sexy illusion
knowing we're so wrong for each other
lusting for us all the same...
I know what these words are talking about while everyone else can only ever guess


Monday, January 28, 2013


My mind is a machine gun
thoughts, feelings, memories
become the bullets that rip my soul
from peaceful sleep
Here lies in front of my own face
fears I have faced time and time again
I feel alone, despite being told I'm not
what this feels like, looks like, tastes like
is me being abandoned again
another slap of reality when it's not real
I know the reasons
but it still fucken hurts
I'm scared of the unknown
yet I know inside that we will be alright
cause you are all still in my life
I see more than just my needs now
and yeah I can be self centered and like "this is all about me"
but relationships don't work like that
and I know from experience
we never abandon each other


Tuesday, January 8, 2013

The Prize

Hands either side of the mirror, eyes on the prize
I'm facing myself, no one else
my perception of who I am, isn't true of who I was meant to be
it is nothing but amour that has served it's purpose
and here I stand, removing the layers
Sweet brown soulful eyes that shine with life
I'm a woman, I'm proud to be one
I do enjoy simple things,
shopping and long conversations about deep and meaningful things
and just the everyday things, like the color in the sky,
the rainlets dropping upon the flowers and trees outside
I do enjoy expressing the secrets of love, but I need to do more of this...
I'm not as afraid anymore, I know the skeletons in my closets
I know they belong left on the path behind me
and I'm learning to trust a little more of myself
I'm a women and I deserve happiness


*fluffy bunnies* :)