Saturday, March 24, 2012


My fingers linger upon your skin
shiny like a polished apple
so tempted to take just a taste
testing the air between us
You move like swirling mist around me
dancing, captivating me in those hypnotic eyes
Like a slave I follow your movements, drum beats in my ears
while my eyes drum over and around the image of art gyrating in front of me
I'm the brush and you're the canvas I express myself upon
and in one move you tip your hat, roll it down your arms
you're naked before me, I'm wishing my hands were cupping the hidden package
Ooh such lust...
I am human
after all
*sly smirk*


Friday, March 23, 2012

(Even my lover was) Raped

I close my eyes, remember the taste of your skin
as I laid kisses across your chest, up the side of your neck
I recall how you would smile seductively, when I gave a tiny playful pull
to your nipple ring
I recall all the nights, your words would make my heart flutter
there was no stuttering when I spoke loving talk...
It was such a long fall, slow motion it plays in my head
Oh how I wish I could pull you back, hold you in another embrace
just one more minute, one more time
I close my eyes, remember the very first tear
you caused to fall from the very depths of my heart
I hear it crack, over and over again
I reach out, try to tell you one more time "I'm sorry"
but nothing comes out, cause your fingers touch my lips
I want to stop both our tears from falling, I want to stop you from walking out
on us...
you're just a fading memory, a lesson of love from a gentleman
A part time soul mate, tendered only for loan
Oh how I miss you in my life, oh how I wish to bring you out of my mind
hold you once again
but, for some reason we weren't meant to be
I had to let you leave
and still those tears feel so fresh, still so real
You were another loss, another stolen piece of my happiness
ripped away by monsters, thieves of innocence
their hands once all over my body, now all over my senses
I still hear you whispering my name
I still feel your body hugging mine, you protecting my corpse...
once more they ripped my ability to trust in love
I let the picture fade, one last salty kiss for you


Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Stress, a cause for everything

Nights come without knowledge of sleep
leaving me with a temper ready to explode anytime
they say, all the doctors and wannabes that it's stress
I say it's memories of a past, like ghosts in my face
Tears fall, I'd rather be in silence to cry
I feel like breaking down right here, right now
not caring about the label of a whinging child
when you cry real tears, which come with my emotions
Please don't tell me I need not feel shame or guilt
because deep down I do, inside I feel stripped
ripped off of a child's world, cheated
Afraid to repeat, afraid of these visions that come
dealing by hiding doesn't work with time anymore
Tears fall when I'm reminded, it happens, the reminders
the feelings of helplessness, a lonely betrayal
no one but I sees the hauntings of my heart and head
The soul letting go, I didn't know how good it feels
to release the trapped tears I just hold back
I just can't feel comfortable with eyes that see them
Feelings of a black hole sucking me in, void and scared
of a past I can't erase, encase me
My tears remove my barriers and I feel defenseless,
naked with my shields removed
feeling like that child/youth
I sense for some reason is to blame,
you keep telling me I'm not but the feelings still remain.
Anger mixed with a passion to allow myself the right
not to be afraid of darkness or closeness,
a door that shuts me off, out of your world -
taking me to a self made space of aloneness
no one reaching this place, to hear me in silence...
Why does it have to be that people pull you back
I want to lay these images, experiences,
this painful memory to rest
I want to hide myself cause the undead keep
coming home within
The pit of hell, the abyss I felt trapped in growing up
may have changed over the years
though the walls still feel unclimbable, inescapable
even though I know I'll find a way as I did yesterday
A battle with the devil in my face, as he was in the past
but it's some kind of test I guess, cause I've got no weapons
except strength, courage and will to look him straight in the eyes
Without the weapons of distortion I found to numb
the actions of all who harmed me
Guilt in a sense that I was there, I should've been within the place, safe
Then I wake to realize I knew of no such place,
even when alone
(and now my tears fall)

freeflowpoet 1999

Short Temper

Strip away my name
take away my clothes and skin,
the dirty feeling won't ever wash away
and I feel stupid crying over things
I can't change
The little girl is starting to get louder now,
in my face
telling me
she feels a disgrace
Everything I build up to protect myself and her
has gone or is going
and my open rage burns me inside
I don't want none of this no more...
I just want to feel whatever normal is
(whatever normal is)

freeflowpoet 1999


In a room with no doors in sight, i'm trapped
running from my fears, terrifying fears
slamming into walls without meaning to
this long narrow corridor of haunting terror closes in
suffocating the little air I have left in these panicking eyes
sweat dripping off my wracked body of pain
cramps got me up screaming in vane
vomit comes and goes again inside a stripped throat
I know where I am, but am I really there?
Wanting to imitate a death much deeper than sleep
a lot less than the act of death itself
So much sweat it masks all my tears
tears of need, a need so powerful it chokes me
tears of confusion, frustration and anger
I want to lose these chains of dreams that aren't
for I'm awake...
awake every fu**ing night
like a sink full of ice water I plunge face down
darkness reminds me of death embracing me
smothering the child that tries to escape
visions of pleasure when I know what's behind
the trick the devil pulls on my weakened state
The joker laughs in my face
I'm getting hostile towards those I love and those I hate
I'm getting scared facing the night alone like this
I'm admitting I'm scared of hurting a child that reminds me of myself...
it's me I'm afraid of hurting

freeflowpoet 1999

Something's Wrong

Something's not right in my life
I'm missing something deep inside
tonight I watch tears fall
in a busted mirror I study myself
pulling apart a lack of self esteem
I'm finding a lot of hatred, love and confusion
who are you to tell me I'm wrong
who are you to tell me I need to keep on
be strong when I'm weak
stand up when I fall

The heart always cries
when someone else walks out
I was born alone
that's where I am right now

Switchblade running down my wrist
but I'm not suicidal
tears falling from my eyes
tonight I actually see them
who are you to tell me I'm wrong
who are you to tell me I need to keep on
be strong when I'm weak
stand up as I fall?
(stand up as I fall)

freeflowpoet 1999


I know I'm a drifter at heart
to afraid of staying in one place to long
to afraid of listening to new songs
I know only of yesterday and plans for today
tomorrow's to far away to think about
I've got a lot of things that could change plans made
at the snap of a finger click
Mostly it's the way I feel, I enjoy my time alone
a comfort space zone, ten miles square
It's not so easy to get hurt on your own or have others on your back
about issues you've been silent on for so long
Less people to hurt on your own. when you know a choice made
is a choice that affects everyone who says they love and care
Less people to make pressure when you're in the middle of
a moral/ethic fight within
that carries guilt and shame before the choice is or maybe made.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be somewhere else, maybe I already there
maybe I'll just stay a little longer, maybe right now I just don't care
I feel I'm a dreamer, doomed to never hold a secure dream
commitment scares me to much and a contract can be broken
who cares when you've already tasted loss?
And success comes to a stop soon after it begins
Negativity has its rewards as well as its downfalls
what a shame I think this way - a shame to who? You?
This is about my choices, my games, my wins,
my whims.

freeflowpoet 1999

Run Away

Show me the stars made of gold
you melt the ice in my eyes
now we're apart of ourselves
the dance of bitterness is this rage
we embrace the flames of our passion
and another fight starts somewhere,
somewhere we've been

These fists will snap when I command
the rage goes off whenever it tells me so
whirlwind energy of obscenities
hope to hell the child within don't hate
baseball's fun without the ball
and your knees will fall
will fail you

run boy run
run boy run
run boy run, fast as you can
the rage is out for you
i'm coming to hunt you
better run
run, child, run
run (away)

freeflowpoet 1999

Wednesday, March 7, 2012


The metal is part of me, it's like I'm impaled
my skin, every fibre in me
is a crumpled, crushed chunk
I cannot breathe, nor can I bloody move
I have no movement, my limbs just don't respond
I ache, my mental anguish now takes on a physical hurt
My own chest is being crushed, I'm pinned down
by a fastened seatbelt, that isn't real
My mind screams "pull it together, you know this is not reality"
But I cannot, for I am a solid mass...I am the car I was trapped in
2 and a half years past
This is terrifying, I can't breathe on my own
I feel the machines doing that for me, I feel the tube down my throat
my jaw and teeth ache, and I can't pull it out
yet there is nothing there now
I can hear the calming voice, trying to bring me out of this meltdown
yet I sense the blackness of death...or unconsciousness maybe
and it is so enticing and peaceful
I see two glowing orbs of light, is it the hospital lights in the operating room...
or is it something other worldly
is this a memory of the drugs wearing off and being feed into me, while I was under?
I don't know but part of me wanted to stay there...and not breathe any longer
then it faded away and I struggle to draw in and push air out
I'm drowning in never ending tears and mucus
I just want them to stop, I want this to stop
And to those who speed, get impatient or hoon around on the roads
I bet will never see these words or dismiss them with an attitude of "it'll never happen to me"
I just made one mistake, one split second over correction
and the injuries and scars I can never undo
But the flashbacks and panic attacks
pull me back
and my face slams into the airbag over and over again, every time I close my eyes
I hear the impact of metal and concrete meeting each other, a huge slamming explosion
I feel like my stomach is metal
fuck, it hurts to breathe
I want people to stop trying to be helpful, "if you wanna talk call"
I don't wanna remember or relive it
but I can't shut it out
I feel like I'm losing my grip...but it's just normal with trauma
more fucking trauma