Sunday, March 27, 2011

Where's it all going?

What has changed in those around me, so much has changed in me
looking in the mirror, I'm trying to figure who's looking back out at me
Waded through so much anger, broken all the chains that bounded me
but when I call out to those who called themselves my friends
not many answer back
Everyone keeps telling me how I'm not alone
but God doesn't keep me warm laying in my bed at night
but a hug from family, as warm and comforting as it is, just doesn't cut it
the love and smiles from those who know me now, refreshing as it is
doesn't corrode the stone around the inside layer of my heart.
I'm not ashamed of my past
I don't regret the pain I've caused, cause I own it
cause I accept the role I played in it all and I'm able to let it go
and I do what I have to, to learn something from those mistakes
I forgive myself and those who've stuck around or opened their arms again
I try not to judge anymore
I try and slow down and listen now
I try to close these eyes and see with my heart
but I'm far from perfect, I'm full of defects and humanness
Yes I still feel and sometimes my emotions cloud my reactions
I still run with my will, instead of free will
I leap before I look around, some days
(yeah I make mistakes, you seemed surprised)
You think you know me, cause you've read a few of the lines I've written
you think you know me, cause you've heard some of the stories I've told of my life
you think you know me, cause you've spent time with me...
you've not spent enough though
it's never enough
my secrets run deep, even I've not explored the darkness within
I feel it
sneaking up on me, watching from the shadows
whispering in my ears
like the dragon who once used to entice me to get higher
and blur the lines between life and death
right and wrong, pure and corrupt
Where am I going with this, who am I speaking to?
Maybe it's you
or maybe it's the man staring back at me from the mirror
as I walk away...


Friday, March 11, 2011

Poisoning me

Resentment is poison to my soul
but you feed me poison
for breakfast, lunch and tea
then stand there watching me spewing sickness
innocent like an angel...
it's never anything you do
it's never your fault
always something I've done
I'm always the one who pushed you over the edge
sinister like a devil...
I let it slide
I hand it over
I take the blame, like a bullet to my heart
let it fester until I nearly explode wrath
but forgiveness is mine to administer
and while you refuse to accept responsibility
I'll work twice as hard to purge this poison
from my soul