Monday, May 30, 2011


Keep whipping me, with each lash I'm dying a little more inside
but I'll grit my teeth and take it like a 'man'
I feel my faith in humanity wearing thin
things like empathy, compassion, truth, honor, justice and love
are getting lost amongst
things like greed, self preservation, hate, lies and dollar signs
I'm not sure which is the voice of reason anymore
part of me inside
"give up, just walk away, you're wasting your time trying to fight a losing battle for humanity"
while I'm crying out
"I'm not forgetting all those who fought to teach me these values, I can't let machinery of 'progression' overwhelm and beat us all"
I will take the punishment for the greater good
I'm not God, but I'm a believer in redemption
and a product of greed and sin
just looking for someone to cleanse my slate, just waiting for my skin to fall away
and my angels' wings to spread


Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Pink Ribbon

Alone, left to listen to my own thoughts
I'm overwhelmed by the evil man, like myself
are truly capable of
I feel this demon inside me
tearing, ripping, beating, shredding
purity, innocence, compassion and empathy
I hear the hiss in my own hidden voice, condemning me
pure hatred for what it labels weakness, softness
mockingly taunting myself, reigning over screaming over and over
"do you like being walked over, does it feel good to be trampled upon, you LOVE getting screwed over little one, huh YOU must for you keep believing you really make a difference, they really care what you do
You disgust me!"
Voices become images, so real
I feel like I'm being consumed from within
My mind so scattered I can't recall the prayers for God to grant me serenity
I try to find my voice, I stutter through the verses
knowing it's wrong, but still trying never the less...
Yes I believe,
man may claw compassion and empathy from their consciences and hearts
but there does exist goodness in some
and come morning, when the torture's done
I will bare pink ribbon as sutures
holding my compassion and empathy together
firm and strong


Sunday, May 22, 2011

Dark Path/Free Grasp

Come walk with me
I know it's darkness that suffocates you
but trust me, I know this place
my eyes have grown accustom, in time yours will too
If you survive...

The heat wraps around every sense, it freezes while it burns
Are you afraid, afraid of, me?
You should be...
My love is precious like life
one kiss like addiction, Oh you will crave
(more of me)

Do not, whatever you do
listen to the haunting whispers that you will hear
desire to hold is certain death or life in madness
whichever is worse, I'm not sure yet
cause my heart and soul still pulse as one
*innocent smile of a child*
Come follow me, walk this path ahead
(trust me)

What is this rock, this rock that seems to beat
the case of which looks harder than diamond, blacker than night?
Why do I wear these chains around my ankles?
If I'm here and you're here too
Wait! How did you come to find me, who let you in?
Are you an angel...
or another demon to torture me some more?

"I am light, I am you"
How is it possible, how can you be me
and yet I am facing you?
"I am light, I am choice, I am reason"
This is madness, I'm talking to myself
Oh god have I lapsed and truly driven myself insane?

Follow me, take my hand
I will not harm us, you will soon understand...
Trust in your own self
take thy hand and follow where I lay
see not with human eyes but with purity of God you believe?

We all have choice
We all have will (self and God driven)...
Well, what will you choose?

A substance fueled delusion, an empty shell
darkness inside and out?


Sunday, May 15, 2011

Holding On To Hope

When the darkness sweeps across my gaze
cuts my sight off from my higher power
I know I don't have to search far for a ray of hope
Kneeling down, head lowered
conversing with God
While there's so many things that feel wrong in my life
I know God is guarding me from more than
I can handle
(If I keep my heart and mind focused)
and everything in this world isn't just about my self will
I may come across swamped in darkness and wallowing in self pity
but I just need to unload so my soul can breathe
(chipping away the granite encasing my heart)
so I can see the beautiful people and things around me,
so I can truly be grateful for everything I've overcome and experienced


Saturday, May 14, 2011

Lets dance


Slipping out of the room while you're rambling on
if I was hooked up to a heart monitor it'd be showing
I'm out and you're so self serving you haven't a fucking clue
Who has their hand up your ass making you say this shit?
Do you even believe the shit flowing from your mouth
cause you lost me when you dropped the cards you held,
when you mistook me for a fool
(cause you can't beat a full house with all single cards)
Hollow promises littering the ground
words that mean nothing
are all you brought to the table
You should've made sure I was gone before you walked away
cause I'll not just disappear without a fight
I'll make sure you're gonna be so sorry now bitch
The gloves are on...
lets dance


Flipping The Bird


I can picture tears running down a faceless God
as I turn away
I can even hear my inner child mutter in fear
as I storm off
"you know this is exactly what the devil wants"
Why should I care anymore?
My suffering came about because I believe
in stupid ideals,
but watch this (flipping you the bird)
Preach salvation to the gullible, while selling compassion
to those who can't afford it anyway,
walk all over those under your feet/crack the whip to the slaves you own
Speak to me like you really give a damn
shovel shit in my grave before I'm even laying in there
tell me how I'm appreciated, you're really the only one who believes the BS (from your mouth)
Why didn't I feel my bones cracking
as your iron will
wrapped around my contorted body,
as you twisted and bled me dry?
Why did I keep swallowing the
caustic soda cut pills you pump out
to the masses, to whoever listens to the published PR spin?
My past taught me how fucked up man can be,
now today you've just reinforced that truth
(flipping YOU the bird)
Don't expect trust or loyalty from me no more
the only one losing out here
is you
(am I still valuable in your eyes now, or was that just another rehearsed line?)


Sunday, May 8, 2011

Prayers N Self Doubt

Dear Lord (as I understand you)
I'm sorry again
know you never meant me to feel so much doubt
but these eyes have seen so much
this heart has felt so much
and my head dreams so big
I'm doubting myself once again,
wondering if I'm pushing myself just that little bit too hard
I'm tearing myself up inside
trying to weigh up
the pros and cons
verses the head and the heart
Is it right just cause my will wants it?
(wants it so bad)
Please grant me everything the Serenity prayer asks
please Lord break through my stubborn pride
I don't know if it's wrong or right
and I'm scared of taking the wrong path again