Monday, September 19, 2011

Care what I have to say?

You stop by, a casual reader of my ramblings and inner going ons
Do you ever wonder who I am or who is this soul
pouring out the chaos and noise inside their head
(and the heart, yes you hear from my soul as well)
I've been on a self imposed silent retreat
well OK, maybe 'retreat' is too nice a word
for the critical prison I locked myself away within
day after day, night after night, week after week
I sat listening to the critical violence pounding down
on the fragile child I barely keep alive within
why are we humans, so damn cruel to ourselves
(let alone the stranger trying to make a living for themselves, next to us?)
I've cried two years of raw emotion, frustration, pain and grief
all in a short space of time...
I'm not a hero or anyone special
I just do what I have to do to live life to the best of my ability
I have a choice, we all do
yeah it's hard to accept and hear something we don't want too
but the other choice is no choice at all - for me
Today may have been a hard day
but when the noise dies down and it's all quiet within
I just gotta ask myself
"how much of my issues are the lies my own head spins"?
I've been told growing up that I'll never amount to shit
that's someones' shit and sorry but I don't buy it,
who gave you the right to judge me?
I will live my life to the best of my ability
even when my humanness is expressed in tears
and unfounded fears