Friday, March 29, 2013

Invisible Bullies

Taunted every time I opened my mouth
childhood is meant to be a place of innocence and magic
my only wish was that I was as invisible as I feel inside
but the verbal punches hurt more than the real threats of them touching me
No one asked where my bruises came from, then when they did
my answers where lies, the only thing that then got to hear my truth
was the paper that stayed inside journals or that I screwed up after I had spewed my insides out with ink
cause the paper didn't feel the sting of knife blades over it, like I did
nor did it cry when I held it tight, scrunched up in my fists
just like I felt like, both inside and out
My voice failed when I tried to stand up, cause everyone just tore me down
Yeah I was the fat kid, the easy target
and when I armed myself with weapons and started picking fights
I was just crazy
but I'd left the battlefield of the school grounds
and everyone went their separate ways
People brought up their own children and the very bullies who taunted me
started posting anti bully post on this thing called Facebook
I understand you wanna protect your own flesh and blood
but you're a hypocrite (so am I cause I too became what I despised)
Now we're out of the wonderland of childhood
was everything just a lie, did we not mean anything or any harm?
Cause it sure did hurt and so did my own beatings upon myself
followed by others...just as you taught me to do
Now that we post such messages, does that redeem our past behaviors?
Do you really mean what you post or is it just another bandaid for the self hate we harbor inside ourselves?
I'm sorry for the pain I caused and for the pain I inflicted upon myself
the devil couldn't handle my wrath and GOD didn't have space for lease in heaven then
so I wondered lost on Earth and yeah I've grown and learnt the value of life now
but the faded scars on my heart from childhood still burn somedays
and the memories of who I turned into haunt me
Are any of us beyond redemption?
Will you forgive me, if I forgive you...and neither of us will settle the score
within our own selves, but continue to pretend
everything was alright growing up
everything is alright today.


Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Flirting with danger...

You drive me crazy the way you just do everything that gets under my skin
I should hate you cause you're poison to my system
but that's what I love about you
You're so damn attractive while oozing danger, every time we're together alarm bells ring inside my head
and I can't help but run straight into your web...I am powerless over your beauty, I'm just a moth to your flame
I want you to give me all the promised dreams, while knowing all those things will bring me undone
I keep you at a distance, aching to embrace you, just have a taste
I keep you close, dancing and flirting with your sexy illusion
knowing we're so wrong for each other
lusting for us all the same...
I know what these words are talking about while everyone else can only ever guess