Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I Am freeflowpoet

The ink upon the page is the blood from my heart
flowing through me, out the pen I hold
emotions laid bare, my baggage unpacked
Am I a cracked record, cause I think I've said all these feelings before
but that's why I call myself "freeflowpoet"
cause I don't think before I open my mouth
cause life has taught me
paper won't put me down
paper won't whip me black and blue
paper doesn't judge whatever I've got to say
paper doesn't pick everything apart
doesn't try to fix me
I just spew forth every emotion
every feeling, every word
I lay bare my honest truth
yep, I really hate myself within
yep, I really am wrath spinning inside
my head
my ego and self will
is years of rage denied
I'm my best client
Rip myself in three
the blackness of sin,
the grayness of reality, in the moment
the whiteness of purity and peace
Every waking moment
this is my life
behind the smile I flash you
behind the tears that rarely fall
I'm so tired of helping others
but it's so much easier than
helping myself
I've learnt to tell you so much
How many times have I heard
"You're such an inspiration"
"You're such a strong women"
When are you finally gonna open your eyes?
I'm hurting inside
and I see the white knuckles losing grip
a little more each day
Flashing back to the moment I lost control of my car
a metaphor for my truth right now
I'm coursing poison in these veins
maybe it's left over from the shit I used to stick in there
I'm reaching a point
I'm back squaring off with the devil
surrounded by his army of demons
God, my head is overwhelmed with anger
I see these fists swinging
I see me in the fight, stomping down upon everyones' head
I speak positivity day in day out
but on this tight rope
I'm feeling tempted to lay down
be consumed by the dark side
commit suicide (let my inner child be beat upon, just give in)
Walk amongst you all
helping to save you souls
before damnation
cause this conflict within is worse than hell
and yeah I know what that is!


Sunday, April 1, 2012


I look into the eyes of my past
and all I see is wrath
One by one the tears roll
down my cheeks
I was not a babe in mother's arms
when my purity left, walked out
ashes blowing in the winds
I was just a lonely child
and hate and harm surrounded
stripping the young flesh
from my bones
Then when I awoke I was
no color, no sex
just another lost soul
falling through crack
after crack
Oh God how can I undo all I've done?
Who will undo all that was done to me?
I used to say my wrath was justified
but who was I
to pass on all my blind lessons
to those I filled with hate
veiled to look like love
sold as loyalty
I didn't even believe in
Oh God in this reflection
I see all the evil
reaching out from within me
I can only tell those I touched
I'm sorry...
I made 101 mistakes,
had I not I would never of
learnt the lessons I know
of now
forgive me for not seeing
the corruption doing full circles
Believe me when I say
I love you sweetness
trust me when I say
don't follow the footsteps I leave
(not those I've left)
I see the pain
looking out my own eyes
Sweetness - I do understand
your silence
Open your mouth and speak your anger...
I know I deserve it...child