Friday, October 14, 2011

I am not who you see

Step aside when I walk across your path
stand rigid against a wall, across a room from me
eye balling me cause of
who you perceive me to be
Obviously you've never seen the truth beyond skin
Step up to the plate and look into my eyes
explore the soul swimming here within
Sit with my uncomfortableness, walk with me while I lead you past my gates
Yeah you'll see the hell fires rise up to scare you away
but ignore the devil sneering at us, at your intrusion
cause buried behind the defenses
is the purity of an untouched child
an angel whose wings are brighter than the sun, lighter than a mothers' arms
here your preconceptions will melt away...
This is my true self,

nothing but Gods' will


Saturday, October 1, 2011

The hidden truths

I stand reading another eulogy, burying another lost soul
(a friend in the lonely world we existed within)
You embraced the artistry of self expression
adorned every inch of your flesh with conversations and ideals of your soul
pierced yourself as many times as you felt pierced by society
You tried to keep everyone far enough away so not to get to know you
but in my eyes you saw something welcoming and inviting,
an understanding look
and so we let each other in...against the voice screaming "back off"
in my head
You were the only one who could see deep inside me
and understand the meanings between each written word
of the littered scrunched up poems left behind by my hand
and the tears that were never allowed to fall
I cradled you as your essence left this world
watching the irises in your eyes grow smaller as the heroin consumed every inch of you
I tried not to let you go but the only thing I keep thinking of was
my own survival
I'm not sorry though cause we were only fooling ourselves,
we both knew the drugs just didn't work anymore
and that we were so broken and void
(it was only a matter of time my friend, it was either you or me)
so I looked away as you took that last shallow breath
and I've never looked back, recovery is my addiction now
and yeah I remember you every time I'm overwhelmed or feeling alone
I hear your soft voice reassuring me it's OK to embrace your ghost
to cross over the bridge of reality and make believe
to stick one more gram up my arm
to hold your gaze one more time
(but holding you once more is never enough, I know that)
So I had to smash the mirror between us
had to smash the lies we hid behind and come home
become clean
Goodbye addiction, you were a great teacher of lies
I lay you to rest
with this last shovel of dirt I bury us
and admit I am powerless over you
but that a higher power gives me choice
"one day at a time"