I miss you

My heart is drowning in a sea of swallowed tears,

I know my goodbye for now was always meant to come first

but it came way to soon (and it’s like I’m right back there, now)

Everything has changed, nothing feels the same

I keep thinking things will make you laugh or that would be an interesting conversation to have with you and I absentmindedly reach for the phone...

Stupid location services, it’s then I’m reminded you’re not gonna pick up or reply

Dad, I miss you and December is no longer a happier month...you’re birthday, you’re passing memorial, another Christmas you’ll not be seated at the family table and another New year...without you

I miss you 

freeflowpoet

No canary but flying free

It’s really nice when you finally accept
only what’s yours to own
I once believed I’d die from the secrets I was asked to carry, the ones I had forced upon me
It’s really nice when you finally know
peace between your ears
and know people who actually love you and see your worth
instead of what you’re worth to them...
I love this feeling of holding my head high,
this feeling of happiness in my heart,
this feeling of having freedom of choice...
who comes first

freeflowpoet

Emotions & Gratitude

Tattoo needle reverberating over my exposed brain, more life lessons ingrained
Your words and feigned concern don't validate my experiences, they crash onto my ears "your emotions make me uncomfortable, therefore you don't have permission to express anymore"
But, I'm not afraid to be vulnerable or speak of a little sadness or grief
I see the bigger picture, the stories and memories, that I treasure as they form apart of who I am today...
A survivor, a daughter, a friend, a sister.
I am who I am, whether I shed tears or wear a smile...or a fricken crown (drama queen)!
No one keeps this woman down,
my blood flows with resilience & stubbornness (thanks mum, thanks dad!!!)
Life felt like it'd kill me many times, but each time I'd get back up and fight again, and again ...and again,
well here I stand and my how I've grown & thrived, thanks mum & thanks dad


freeflowpoet

Processing

Heavy is my heart, like shackles around my feet... I'm stumbling through intense emotions
It's during these quiet times, I feel everything the most
Where doubt creeps in and I wonder if God is sick of my conversations
grief is the terrential storm, anger and hurt earthquakes shaking my core
These shoulders are broad and resilience a badge of fu*king honour, I don't want right now... I'm tired, I want to come up for a breath of air
instead of feeling weighted down by the going ons of life right now
I'm just so fu*king tired, my grief is leaking from my eyes (not feeling strong tonight)...
processing intense emotions
holding onto my faith, but human am I (yeah, I am but a 'man')
and processing isn’t pretty but it’s apart of actually living



freeflowpoet

Wrestling with grief

I’m lying awake and my eyes are leaking,
pain in my chest cavity
not sure if this is indigestion or my heart breaking...I miss you
It was the ‘Rumble’ on today and it’s not the same...I miss sharing those little things
like joking about the zimmer frames around the ring, cause another senior citizen has escaped the nursing home and is making a...one more last match comeback!
Or sharing a laugh over the days of our lives storylines, over the top pushes and silver spoon victories...i still have ‘mania’ on my bucket list for you dad
I miss our trips to Springy for chilli pork rolls and duck
I miss you counting the pelicans every time we drive over that bridge, the way you smile and get a sparkle in your eyes
I keep picturing you in your chair...I wish you were still there
this is grief, crying, laughing and reminiscing...
right now I’m feeling it, right now it’s hard
but I sense your presence, in my heart, on my mind

freeflowpoet