Self Absorbed

I'm feeling so alone and broken inside
the very toughness I prided myself as being
blinded my vision and it hurts when I come crashing to the ground
It doesn't matter to anyone, when you realize how self absorbed you can be
when everyone has walked away, sick of trying to help you
when you've pushed them all away, cause your own fear of your inner truth crushes you
- with a breath taking fear
Everyone sees you in different lights, every room you walk into you just adapt
every time you let another in, is this really you, or just another mask?
I can't explain to every person in my life
that I see the devil inside this angelic face, that the harder I try to pretend he doesn't exist
the louder he talks inside my head, the tighter he grips the reins of everything I've worked so hard to keep innocent and pure in my life
I feel every drop of blood that he squeezes out my heart, the closer to my own innocence I move
I feel every tear that escapes from my eyes when another is driven from my life...
when my actions drive you away, when I drop the ball and show the cards in my hand
that the hardness I pride myself upon is more important than the niceness you try to bring about in me...
have you ever thought I don't need to change for every person who crosses my path?
Have you ever considered that there's a reason cracks appear in the girly image you tell me is really who I am?
That maybe I just might be the armor of man's sin for a reason
that this devil inside me feeds a drive to eradicate other's evilness and serves a greater good purpose being locked inside me...
Tell me why is it so important for me to be who you think is the ideal image of a gender?
Don't try and tell me I'm aggressive and self obsessed cause you're to afraid to be anymore than wounded by what's going on inside your own world...like I'm a mind reader, like I take notice of every little change on Facebook
Look I'm sorry shit's happening in your world as well but I'm not in sync with your importance...
guess we all get a little self absorbed sometimes


freeflowpoet