*Warning contains swearing, the topics of suicide, anger and drug references - please seek professional help if you are struggling with such issues, help is available and you are not alone.
I have a swag full of reasons
to justify using
to be the junkie I once was again
As my mind flashes images
and my body automatically reacts
my emotions boil away
in my melting pot
I once hung onto the lyrics 2pac
sang in "Baby keep your head up" #2
"they win when your soul dies"
I believed that enough
to climb down off the chair
and take down the noose
I had made
but it's years later and they've still won
their sins still stain my soul and crush my spirit
Who cares if I live my life...
take my power back?
What difference does it fucking make
when ghosts still haunt my mind
of every night rolled into one
and the blackness swallows me
hands and cocks all over me
my body aches and tenses
all over again
Fuck 2pac
what the fuck does he know
about gang rape
telling girls not to cry...
to keep your head up?
Yeah I can justify self pity,
I can let this and all the other shit
I've crawled through
bury me
overwhelm me
kill me
slowly with a syringe full of speedballs
chased down with a bottle
of Beam or Baileys
Slowly with the fumes from foil or a pipe
smack or speed...
Maybe this insanity will end
with me seeing orange spurts
from a handgun
pointed at me again...
but this time it may be bullets
not pellets
You know what
fuck everyone and everything
I'm expressing darkness
so I can see the beauty of my life,
reality...
Yeah I've been through so much
and I could choose to wash in the past
to slip under the pain
drown and choke on
the tears I keep within
There's days when I'm in real pain
when I don't fucking sleep very well for days,
when I feel bloody useless
Yet I know the truth
and as weak or pussy as it sounds
love saves me,
nurtures and nourishes my soul,
reminds me I'm not alone,
I'm worth more than 24/7 misery
All these thoughts
are just words on a page (or recited on stage)
I speak them,
share them
get up and walk away
leave them and go live my life
clean, free and higher within
connected to my higher power
(You know what, actually I do win)
freeflowpoet
No comments:
Post a Comment