Trauma

The metal is part of me, it's like I'm impaled

my skin, every fibre in me

is a crumpled, crushed chunk

I cannot breathe, nor can I bloody move

I have no movement, my limbs just don't respond

I ache, my mental anguish now takes on a physical hurt

My own chest is being crushed, I'm pinned down

by a fastened seatbelt, that isn't real

My mind screams "pull it together, you know this is not reality"

But I cannot, for I am a solid mass...I am the car I was trapped in

2 and a half years past

This is terrifying, I can't breathe on my own

I feel the machines doing that for me, I feel the tube down my throat

my jaw and teeth ache, and I can't pull it out

yet there is nothing there now

I can hear the calming voice, trying to bring me out of this meltdown

yet I sense the blackness of death...or unconsciousness maybe

and it is so enticing and peaceful

I see two glowing orbs of light, is it the hospital lights in the operating room...

or is it something other worldly

is this a memory of the drugs wearing off and being feed into me, while I was under?

I don't know but part of me wanted to stay there...and not breathe any longer

then it faded away and I struggle to draw in and push air out

I'm drowning in never ending tears and mucus

I just want them to stop, I want this to stop

And to those who speed, get impatient or hoon around on the roads

I bet will never see these words or dismiss them with an attitude of "it'll never happen to me"

I just made one mistake, one split second over correction

and the injuries and scars I can never undo

But the flashbacks and panic attacks

pull me back

and my face slams into the airbag over and over again, every time I close my eyes

I hear the impact of metal and concrete meeting each other, a huge slamming explosion

I feel like my stomach is metal

fuck, it hurts to breathe

I want people to stop trying to be helpful, "if you wanna talk call"

I don't wanna remember or relive it

but I can't shut it out

I feel like I'm losing my grip...but it's just normal with trauma

...

more fucking trauma

freeflowpoet