Torn

In a room with no doors in sight, i'm trapped

running from my fears, terrifying fears

slamming into walls without meaning to

this long narrow corridor of haunting terror closes in

suffocating the little air I have left in these panicking eyes

sweat dripping off my wracked body of pain

cramps got me up screaming in vane

vomit comes and goes again inside a stripped throat

I know where I am, but am I really there?

Wanting to imitate a death much deeper than sleep

a lot less than the act of death itself

So much sweat it masks all my tears

tears of need, a need so powerful it chokes me

tears of confusion, frustration and anger

I want to lose these chains of dreams that aren't

for I'm awake...

awake every fu**ing night

like a sink full of ice water I plunge face down

darkness reminds me of death embracing me

smothering the child that tries to escape

visions of pleasure when I know what's behind

the trick the devil pulls on my weakened state

The joker laughs in my face

I'm getting hostile towards those I love and those I hate

I'm getting scared facing the night alone like this

I'm admitting I'm scared of hurting a child that reminds me of myself...

it's me I'm afraid of hurting

freeflowpoet 1999