I’m (not) a fu*k up

I’ve been beaten and bullied

only to turn around and become that which I hated…and more.

I loved those who would go on to sell more than my soul

I danced and rumbled with the devil and

tried to escape in a cascade of substances 

I tried to initiate my suicide and homicide many times…

Listen child, you survived

you climbed out that meteorite crater deep in the chasms of hell…

Wrapped in the wings of an angel from God above, you arose like the phoenix,

in stages you reassessed the carnage 

and wandered through the chaos,

rebuilding, as you took in the reality,

striped off the labels (well tried to),

all while trying to change attitude and behaviours, hearing truth…that sometimes brought out more guilt, shame

You overcame child, saw something different and went in for the golden armour of faith and resilience 

Look, I’m fuc*king human,

I will make mistakes and sometimes the ones from my past will rise up…to bite me in the as*

I own only what is mine

and sometimes I’m a little slow to see the lessons - literally slapping me in the face,

but child, believe me when the pain is deep enough and I remember what’s at stake…I’ma going dig in and change

“my thinking, my actions…my responsibilities”

We all fu*k up in life,

but we also can gain awareness,

which become a weapon of choice (changes)

freeflowpoet