As a women

Tell me I know nothing of violence or loss,

Tell me my call for equality, not segration of victimised people wrong...even distasteful 

I dare you to fucken stand a moment, not in my shoes, but my fucken fractured soul...

I dare you to fucken hold these overwhelming emotions that flow from a hurting heart & numb mind

I dare you to tell me again

how I know nothing of violence or loss

I spent years living through all kinds of sexual abuse, assaults, attempted and successful gang and single rapes,

then years trying to rise above my mistrust of both women and men (& myself)

From a rape at just 15, I got pregnant 

only to miscarry, my heart was so fucken hard

it never fazed me, I just used a bit harder to kill any kind of conscience or feeling

I thought after all the work on this chronic trauma

That maybe, just maybe there'd come a day where I chose if I wanted a child...

despite being told it was most unlikely due to the internal damage I carry as an unseen scar of the terror I survived (more than once)

Today it was reinforced, that's highly unlikely 

I'm in that grief, anger, betrayal, unjust, saddness

Go on I fucken dare you to tell me I know nothing of violence and loss!

I'm fucking grieving 

As a women, I should have choice in such matters

As a women, I feel gutted from the inside out...

I don't feel complete, as a women

I'm raw and vulnerable, feel as if I was inside out and torn apart, all over again

I'm still paying for some persons/people's sick 'pleasure'

I don't get to fucken choose,

Now go on, I fucken dare you

tell me I know nothing of violence, trauma, grief and loss...

freeflowpoet