Not A Warrior Today

Seven years, to the day

doctors, nurses & surgeons pieced me

back together again...

but they didn't see the fractures to my spirit, the fractures of my mind

Most days I'm ok with the limitations

I mean fuck, I got to walk away from a wreck I shouldn't have

Label today self pity if you will, that's your shit, not mine

This is not where I wanted to be, there's darkness around my hopes & dreams

(a small voice repeating "it'll all be ok", not in my head, but my heart)

I struggle to do daily tasks, I do what I can though (just days like today, it's not good enough)

I have an overwhelming sense of gratitude 

I actually love living life

but I'm feeling let down by my own expectations, surely I should be past this point by now...one hundred steps forward, it's only one backwards girl

(let them tears fall, no one's strong every single minute, of every single day, it's ok to be afraid, to admit you're only human...that the pain gets overwhelming somedays)

I want more than I can give, I want to do things I once never gave a second thought about

but I know I have all I need...

It's still a struggle though, it's hard not knowing but just trusting...

it's hard living independently when you're a stubborn little shit *smirk*, 

with limitations you're still adjusting too,

when you're hopes & dreams feel mangled like the wreckage of that car...

and just right now I'm feeling trapped inside once more

(This is just about expressing, tomorrow's a new day & it's gonna be ok)

freeflowpoet