Monday, March 13, 2017

Not A Warrior Today

Seven years, to the day
doctors, nurses & surgeons pieced me
back together again...
but they didn't see the fractures to my spirit, the fractures of my mind
Most days I'm ok with the limitations
I mean fuck, I got to walk away from a wreck I shouldn't have
Label today self pity if you will, that's your shit, not mine
This is not where I wanted to be, there's darkness around my hopes & dreams
(a small voice repeating "it'll all be ok", not in my head, but my heart)
I struggle to do daily tasks, I do what I can though (just days like today, it's not good enough)
I have an overwhelming sense of gratitude 
I actually love living life
but I'm feeling let down by my own expectations, surely I should be past this point by hundred steps forward, it's only one backwards girl
(let them tears fall, no one's strong every single minute, of every single day, it's ok to be afraid, to admit you're only human...that the pain gets overwhelming somedays)
I want more than I can give, I want to do things I once never gave a second thought about
but I know I have all I need...
It's still a struggle though, it's hard not knowing but just trusting...
it's hard living independently when you're a stubborn little shit *smirk*, 
with limitations you're still adjusting too,
when you're hopes & dreams feel mangled like the wreckage of that car...
and just right now I'm feeling trapped inside once more
(This is just about expressing, tomorrow's a new day & it's gonna be ok)


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