I Am freeflowpoet

The ink upon the page is the blood from my heart
flowing through me, out the pen I hold
emotions laid bare, my baggage unpacked
Am I a cracked record, cause I think I've said all these feelings before
but that's why I call myself "freeflowpoet"
cause I don't think before I open my mouth
cause life has taught me
paper won't put me down
paper won't whip me black and blue
paper doesn't judge whatever I've got to say
paper doesn't pick everything apart
doesn't try to fix me
I just spew forth every emotion
every feeling, every word
I lay bare my honest truth
yep, I really hate myself within
yep, I really am wrath spinning inside
my head
my ego and self will
is years of rage denied
I'm my best client
Rip myself in three
the blackness of sin,
the grayness of reality, in the moment
the whiteness of purity and peace
Every waking moment
this is my life
behind the smile I flash you
behind the tears that rarely fall
I'm so tired of helping others
but it's so much easier than
helping myself
I've learnt to tell you so much
How many times have I heard
"You're such an inspiration"
"You're such a strong women"
When are you finally gonna open your eyes?
I'm hurting inside
and I see the white knuckles losing grip
a little more each day
Flashing back to the moment I lost control of my car
a metaphor for my truth right now
I'm coursing poison in these veins
maybe it's left over from the shit I used to stick in there
I'm reaching a point
I'm back squaring off with the devil
surrounded by his army of demons
God, my head is overwhelmed with anger
I see these fists swinging
I see me in the fight, stomping down upon everyones' head
I speak positivity day in day out
but on this tight rope
I'm feeling tempted to lay down
be consumed by the dark side
commit suicide (let my inner child be beat upon, just give in)
Walk amongst you all
helping to save you souls
before damnation
cause this conflict within is worse than hell
and yeah I know what that is!


freeflowpoet

Amends

I look into the eyes of my past

and all I see is wrath

One by one the tears roll

fresh

down my cheeks

I was not a babe in mother's arms

when my purity left, walked out

died...

ashes blowing in the winds

I was just a lonely child

afraid

and hate and harm surrounded

stripping the young flesh

from my bones

Then when I awoke I was

no color, no sex

just another lost soul

falling through crack

after crack

Oh God how can I undo all I've done?

Who will undo all that was done to me?

I used to say my wrath was justified

but who was I

to pass on all my blind lessons

to those I filled with hate

veiled to look like love

sold as loyalty

I didn't even believe in

Oh God in this reflection

I see all the evil

reaching out from within me

I can only tell those I touched

I'm sorry...

I made 101 mistakes,

had I not I would never of

learnt the lessons I know

of now

forgive me for not seeing

the corruption doing full circles

Believe me when I say

I love you sweetness

trust me when I say

don't follow the footsteps I leave

(not those I've left)

I see the pain

looking out my own eyes

Sweetness - I do understand

your silence

Open your mouth and speak your anger...

I know I deserve it...child

freeflowpoet