The darkness where my betrayals & hurt stir,
are where my demons plot & scheme,
trying to torment and manipulate me into letting them come back out and puppet me
But, I am their keeper
I have learnt to acknowledge why they came to be, I have learnt how to sit in these feelings that make their cell & just observe…
occasionally, though they get loose in my head,
converse through scenarios & flashbacks,
memories and screaming the words & actions that mutated my innocence into wrath…
I didn’t have loving eyes always watching over me,
my existence was hyper vigilance
cause the walls surrounding me felt like they were made of prying, perving eyes, hands…body parts (this night & day, not just occasionally)
“Sleep with one eye open”…
“Hello darkness, my old friend”
In the light, I felt invisible, discarded, unlovable & unloved
In the darkness, I felt the meat hooks tear my flesh & the snakes sliver, intentions turn into…
the stuff of nightmares
“No one hears you scream”…or your cries, turned them on, while others turned a blind eye & collected bargaining chips (for personal gains)…
I believe me, I know others have heard since, too
Don’t pity me, I don’t write about this stuff cause I hurt anymore…
I write to give those demons within voice…
& throw back their torturous wrath,
now turned into freedom & beautiful thriving…
a life built around love, respect, empathy and compassion for myself & others
once lost or feeling lost in a living hell.
The darkness is not a void that killed me,
my demons are not scary monsters that floor me (anymore), they are reminders of why I sometimes hurt, why tears sometimes fall,
while sometimes, I dissociate or pull away…
why I am a sensitive person with a heart…
real life humans dressed as devils drove me to the verge of self destruction & a wrathful hate,
gone now that armour shell (with spikes),
residual energy and memories, the past acknowledged, but not the life I forge & am present in,
today…I live, I thrive (and credit to the beautiful souls that showed me how to see my worth & believe it, thank you)
freeflowpoet
