Drowning in my head

Do you see the cracks appearing in my mask?
I'm so focused on getting better, focused on what needs to be done
but my head keeps on screaming out "face this reality, stop pretending it's all OK"
I'm fearful of losing what I see as part of who I am...
Is there really a God out there telling me "maybe it's time for a change"?
All my life I've known how scary change can be before leaping out,
into the wide space of unknown things
I can only guess what may come...and what may not
I know questioning things is a normal human reaction when you have to stand still
when there is no turn off switch for the onslaught of fear and what ifs
I'm not as strong as you say I am, no really I'm not
Yes I will just face what today and tomorrow will bring, I will choose to keep walking on
*smirk* (funny how play on words form, it was not an intentional pun)
that doesn't make me brave or inspirational
after all I'm just like you inside...
I've made plenty of mistakes, wrong choices and poor judgments

and when it all comes down to it
I just don't want to make yet another one

Patience

I'm staring at the white screen, trying to produce words that speak the truth within
but there's nothing but a heavy silence, Can you hear it? Can you?
So much time just on hold right now and I'm uncertain which goals to try and chase
and yet I'm trusting in my higher power, that if I just sit in this uncomfortable patience I'm in
the pieces will fall,
fall into place