*Trigger warning - sensitive content
Suey Side
Hate, wrath, defeat, betrayal at every turn
given up on every moral you were brought up believing, cause every single one had been chewed up and spat back in your face…
sold loyalty, only for it to be your soul you undersold…stolen, ripped off
It’s a lonely place to be when you’re dead inside
when you’re alone in a crowded room,
when you’re alone imprisoned inside your own broken mind,
stabbed in the back, heart torn out by predators and ghouls in guises of ‘friends’ and it violently crushed, love denied…made into a lie, make believe
Crushing weight when oncoming traffic
looks like an invitation
taunting, begging for someone, anyone
to be the matador ramming into or over you…
not a care in the world anymore,
they’re just faceless people with nothing but the purpose of ending you…
no empathy, no light (except headlights), no hope
lost to G-d, cause hell scorched out your eyes, burnt your soul & you had faith disconnected and ridiculed…until you believed you weren’t worthy of being saved, worthy of redemption,
that you were used goods, turned out and drenched in sin - that G-d would be ashamed of you to
Stacked milk creates, unstable like your fragile sense of self
freedom from this darkness
wrapped around your neck,
hoping for comfort in tightening swings…
This wasn’t my end
I didn’t fail taking my own life
I wasn’t disconnected from G-d,
‘he’ was pushing resources and people across my path, yelling through signs I was begging for, but blind to see…until I did
See, I had the keys the whole time
I was locked in this cage, it felt like I was…
meat on a hook, in a seedy cess pit
where every wall had eyes on my innocence
stripped and humiliated
I never saw G-d as the warden fighting for me the entire time
Until I gave up the fight and surrendered my will into ‘him’
Life breathed into me, a new direction
I found purpose, found strength and resilience from lessons from shepherds wandering the crossroads…searching for
G-d’s lost children
I found my way back home
I found hope
left behind my demons, tamed the monsters in my head
made (and make ongoing) amends (for my wrongs)
and make my experiences available
as a light for others sitting in similar cells…
no matter how betrayed or alone you feel
life is precious and so are you
(to whoever needs to hear this - you are enough, you are seen and there can be space for love in what you think is an empty black heart shaped hole…stand up and free yourself)
freeflowpoet
