Stripper

My fingers linger upon your skin

shiny like a polished apple

so tempted to take just a taste

testing the air between us

You move like swirling mist around me

dancing, captivating me in those hypnotic eyes

Like a slave I follow your movements, drum beats in my ears

while my eyes drum over and around the image of art gyrating in front of me

I'm the brush and you're the canvas I express myself upon

and in one move you tip your hat, roll it down your arms

you're naked before me, I'm wishing my hands were cupping the hidden package

Ooh such lust...

I am human

after all

*sly smirk*

freeflowpoet

(Even my lover was) Raped

I close my eyes, remember the taste of your skin

as I laid kisses across your chest, up the side of your neck

I recall how you would smile seductively, when I gave a tiny playful pull

to your nipple ring

I recall all the nights, your words would make my heart flutter

there was no stuttering when I spoke loving talk...

It was such a long fall, slow motion it plays in my head

Oh how I wish I could pull you back, hold you in another embrace

just one more minute, one more time

I close my eyes, remember the very first tear

you caused to fall from the very depths of my heart

I hear it crack, over and over again

I reach out, try to tell you one more time "I'm sorry"

but nothing comes out, cause your fingers touch my lips

I want to stop both our tears from falling, I want to stop you from walking out

on us...

you're just a fading memory, a lesson of love from a gentleman

A part time soul mate, tendered only for loan

Oh how I miss you in my life, oh how I wish to bring you out of my mind

hold you once again

but, for some reason we weren't meant to be

I had to let you leave

and still those tears feel so fresh, still so real

You were another loss, another stolen piece of my happiness

ripped away by monsters, thieves of innocence

their hands once all over my body, now all over my senses

I still hear you whispering my name

I still feel your body hugging mine, you protecting my corpse...

once more they ripped my ability to trust in love

away

I let the picture fade, one last salty kiss for you

Goodbye

freeflowpoet

Stress, a cause for everything

Nights come without knowledge of sleep

leaving me with a temper ready to explode anytime

they say, all the doctors and wannabes that it's stress

I say it's memories of a past, like ghosts in my face

Tears fall, I'd rather be in silence to cry

I feel like breaking down right here, right now

not caring about the label of a whinging child

when you cry real tears, which come with my emotions

Please don't tell me I need not feel shame or guilt

because deep down I do, inside I feel stripped

ripped off of a child's world, cheated

Afraid to repeat, afraid of these visions that come

dealing by hiding doesn't work with time anymore

Tears fall when I'm reminded, it happens, the reminders

the feelings of helplessness, a lonely betrayal

no one but I sees the hauntings of my heart and head

The soul letting go, I didn't know how good it feels

to release the trapped tears I just hold back

I just can't feel comfortable with eyes that see them

falling

Feelings of a black hole sucking me in, void and scared

of a past I can't erase, encase me

My tears remove my barriers and I feel defenseless,

naked with my shields removed

feeling like that child/youth

I sense for some reason is to blame,

you keep telling me I'm not but the feelings still remain.

Anger mixed with a passion to allow myself the right

not to be afraid of darkness or closeness,

a door that shuts me off, out of your world -

taking me to a self made space of aloneness

no one reaching this place, to hear me in silence...

Why does it have to be that people pull you back

I want to lay these images, experiences,

this painful memory to rest

I want to hide myself cause the undead keep

coming home within

The pit of hell, the abyss I felt trapped in growing up

may have changed over the years

though the walls still feel unclimbable, inescapable

even though I know I'll find a way as I did yesterday

A battle with the devil in my face, as he was in the past

but it's some kind of test I guess, cause I've got no weapons

except strength, courage and will to look him straight in the eyes

Without the weapons of distortion I found to numb

the actions of all who harmed me

Guilt in a sense that I was there, I should've been within the place, safe

Then I wake to realize I knew of no such place,

even when alone

(and now my tears fall)

freeflowpoet 1999

Short Temper

Strip away my name

take away my clothes and skin,

the dirty feeling won't ever wash away

and I feel stupid crying over things

I can't change

The little girl is starting to get louder now,

in my face

telling me

she feels a disgrace

Everything I build up to protect myself and her

has gone or is going

and my open rage burns me inside

I don't want none of this no more...

I just want to feel whatever normal is

(whatever normal is)

freeflowpoet 1999

Torn

In a room with no doors in sight, i'm trapped

running from my fears, terrifying fears

slamming into walls without meaning to

this long narrow corridor of haunting terror closes in

suffocating the little air I have left in these panicking eyes

sweat dripping off my wracked body of pain

cramps got me up screaming in vane

vomit comes and goes again inside a stripped throat

I know where I am, but am I really there?

Wanting to imitate a death much deeper than sleep

a lot less than the act of death itself

So much sweat it masks all my tears

tears of need, a need so powerful it chokes me

tears of confusion, frustration and anger

I want to lose these chains of dreams that aren't

for I'm awake...

awake every fu**ing night

like a sink full of ice water I plunge face down

darkness reminds me of death embracing me

smothering the child that tries to escape

visions of pleasure when I know what's behind

the trick the devil pulls on my weakened state

The joker laughs in my face

I'm getting hostile towards those I love and those I hate

I'm getting scared facing the night alone like this

I'm admitting I'm scared of hurting a child that reminds me of myself...

it's me I'm afraid of hurting

freeflowpoet 1999

Something's Wrong

Something's not right in my life

I'm missing something deep inside

tonight I watch tears fall

in a busted mirror I study myself

pulling apart a lack of self esteem

I'm finding a lot of hatred, love and confusion

who are you to tell me I'm wrong

who are you to tell me I need to keep on

be strong when I'm weak

stand up when I fall

The heart always cries

when someone else walks out

I was born alone

that's where I am right now

Switchblade running down my wrist

but I'm not suicidal

tears falling from my eyes

tonight I actually see them

who are you to tell me I'm wrong

who are you to tell me I need to keep on

be strong when I'm weak

stand up as I fall?

(stand up as I fall)

freeflowpoet 1999

Negativity

I know I'm a drifter at heart

to afraid of staying in one place to long

to afraid of listening to new songs

I know only of yesterday and plans for today

tomorrow's to far away to think about

I've got a lot of things that could change plans made

at the snap of a finger click

Mostly it's the way I feel, I enjoy my time alone

a comfort space zone, ten miles square

It's not so easy to get hurt on your own or have others on your back

about issues you've been silent on for so long

Less people to hurt on your own. when you know a choice made

is a choice that affects everyone who says they love and care

Less people to make pressure when you're in the middle of

a moral/ethic fight within

that carries guilt and shame before the choice is or maybe made.

Maybe tomorrow I'll be somewhere else, maybe I already there

maybe I'll just stay a little longer, maybe right now I just don't care

I feel I'm a dreamer, doomed to never hold a secure dream

commitment scares me to much and a contract can be broken

who cares when you've already tasted loss?

And success comes to a stop soon after it begins

Negativity has its rewards as well as its downfalls

what a shame I think this way - a shame to who? You?

This is about my choices, my games, my wins,

my whims.

freeflowpoet 1999

Run Away

Show me the stars made of gold

you melt the ice in my eyes

now we're apart of ourselves

the dance of bitterness is this rage

we embrace the flames of our passion

and another fight starts somewhere,

somewhere we've been

These fists will snap when I command

the rage goes off whenever it tells me so

whirlwind energy of obscenities

hope to hell the child within don't hate

baseball's fun without the ball

and your knees will fall

will fail you

run boy run

run boy run

run boy run, fast as you can

the rage is out for you

i'm coming to hunt you

better run

run, child, run

run (away)

freeflowpoet 1999

Trauma

The metal is part of me, it's like I'm impaled

my skin, every fibre in me

is a crumpled, crushed chunk

I cannot breathe, nor can I bloody move

I have no movement, my limbs just don't respond

I ache, my mental anguish now takes on a physical hurt

My own chest is being crushed, I'm pinned down

by a fastened seatbelt, that isn't real

My mind screams "pull it together, you know this is not reality"

But I cannot, for I am a solid mass...I am the car I was trapped in

2 and a half years past

This is terrifying, I can't breathe on my own

I feel the machines doing that for me, I feel the tube down my throat

my jaw and teeth ache, and I can't pull it out

yet there is nothing there now

I can hear the calming voice, trying to bring me out of this meltdown

yet I sense the blackness of death...or unconsciousness maybe

and it is so enticing and peaceful

I see two glowing orbs of light, is it the hospital lights in the operating room...

or is it something other worldly

is this a memory of the drugs wearing off and being feed into me, while I was under?

I don't know but part of me wanted to stay there...and not breathe any longer

then it faded away and I struggle to draw in and push air out

I'm drowning in never ending tears and mucus

I just want them to stop, I want this to stop

And to those who speed, get impatient or hoon around on the roads

I bet will never see these words or dismiss them with an attitude of "it'll never happen to me"

I just made one mistake, one split second over correction

and the injuries and scars I can never undo

But the flashbacks and panic attacks

pull me back

and my face slams into the airbag over and over again, every time I close my eyes

I hear the impact of metal and concrete meeting each other, a huge slamming explosion

I feel like my stomach is metal

fuck, it hurts to breathe

I want people to stop trying to be helpful, "if you wanna talk call"

I don't wanna remember or relive it

but I can't shut it out

I feel like I'm losing my grip...but it's just normal with trauma

...

more fucking trauma

freeflowpoet